What if I Loved You - Large Print - Signed Paperback

Sara Williams wasn’t always Sara Williams. Twelve years ago, she was Liz Jennings—small-town nobody and best friend of Ian Hart. The only future she could imagine included him, but after one tragic night, she’s forced to flee her home and leave behind the best friend she secretly loves.

Ian Hart was sure of two things. He was in love with his best friend, and he’d do anything to protect her. As teenagers, they made a pact to run away together, but when she left town without him, Ian spiraled into a storm of anger. 

Now she’s back with a new name and a dozen secrets. When they’re forced to work together, the things they don’t say threaten to shatter any hope that they could regain their lost trust. Meanwhile, a town of busybodies are stirring up trouble, and Sara is a sitting duck while her biggest threat is on the move. What if the monster she’s running from steals their happily ever after?

A homecoming story about forgiveness that's sure to touch your heart. 

What if I Loved You is the sixth book in the Unfailing Love series, but the books can be read in any order.

Liz stared at a loose thread on the arm of Mr. Garrison’s couch as the tears dried on her face. She’d been inconsolable when she’d first arrived with Sheriff Tubbs. Now, the tears had stopped, either because they were all used up or because she’d slipped into a numbing shock. She’d heard the mind could do that—block out terrible things to allow coping.

She pried her gaze from the frayed seam. Would she ever see this place again?

Sheriff Tubbs and Mr. Garrison were still talking in the kitchen. They stood, both with arms crossed over their chests and brows furrowed in concentration, discussing the logistics of her future.

Liz hadn’t thought much about what lay ahead for her. College hadn’t ever been an option, and her job at the library seemed stable. She’d just assumed she’d go on working after graduation, living at home, cleaning up after and cooking for a dad who may or may not come home on any given night.

Liz swallowed past the dryness in her throat. Dad wouldn’t be coming home for a while, if ever.

Sheriff Tubbs’ worried gaze turned toward her. She stood leaning against the brown paneled wall of Mr. Garrison’s living room. She’d never met the sheriff before, but he’d been kind to her tonight. If Mr. Garrison trusted him, her instinct was to do the same.

The sheriff was everything she imagined a dad should look like with his slight belly, worn hands, kind blue eyes, and salt-and-pepper mustache. Even his voice held a timbre she imagined would be ideal for telling stories of dragons and kingdoms and castles.

He was everything her dad wasn’t.

Sheriff Tubbs turned back to Mr. Garrison. “Let me see what I can do.”

Liz followed the sheriff with her gaze as he walked past her and out the front door.

“Liz.” Mr. Garrison motioned for her to join him.

Her familiar tears returned. Not only was she unsure if she would ever step foot inside Mr. Garrison’s house, but she wasn’t sure if she would ever see him again either. The realization ripped the remaining shreds of her heart.

Mr. Garrison patted the back of a chair at the table, indicating she should sit, while he took the one beside it. She’d sat at this table hundreds of times, but this might be her last.

“I think we’re about finished here, Liz. You don’t need to take clothes or anything. We’ll get you some new things.” Mr. Garrison paused to let the flood of information wash over her. “Is there anything I need to send Sheriff Tubbs to fetch from your place?”

Liz bit her lip and shook her head slowly. She couldn’t think of anything she’d want to take with her. A strand of her hair had escaped from her ponytail, and she brushed it behind her ear.

“Where am I going?” Not that she cared, but she needed something to focus on besides the nightmares she’d witnessed tonight.

“Probably Dallas. I want you close to my resources.”

“What resources?” Liz questioned. “How do you even know people who can help me?” She’d never heard her neighbor talk about knowing anyone. Not even family.

Mr. Garrison grinned, and Liz didn’t try to stop her lip from quivering. She would miss his smile, his laugh, his advice. He was one of only two people she’d always wished belonged to her by something as strong as blood. Right now, she wanted a lifeline stretching between them so she’d never lose him.

“I’m an old man, and there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

She huffed, and another tear ran down her cheek. He was right, but she thought she knew more about him than most people knew about their next-door neighbors. She’d done more than live in the house beside his for the last eighteen years. She’d bonded with him.

“I have business partners in Dallas. People I trust. They’re helping me locate someone you can live with.”

It was real. She was moving… tonight. Liz had never been more than twenty-five miles outside of the small town of Carson, Georgia, but she was moving to Dallas indefinitely, tonight.

“Listen here, Liz.”

She lifted her chin to meet his demand. Liz had never balked at obeying Mr. Garrison. He’d never yelled at her or hit her like her dad.
“Sheriff Tubbs is trustworthy too. You’ll be safe with him.”

Her eyes were tingling now. Too many tears and not enough sleep. “How do you have business partners that you’ve never mentioned before?” Her words were soft yet questioning. “You think we can trust them?”

Mr. Garrison shook his head and rubbed a hand over his sparse, white beard. “I lived a full life before you came along, Lizzy. They’re not in the business of puttin’ up young girls in safe homes, that’s for sure. But they’re people who have enough money to buy loyalty and silence. If we don’t do this, the marshals will soon.”

She noticed that he hadn’t answered her question, but she let it slide. “What about Ian?”

Liz knew what Mr. Garrison would say, and she braced herself for the impact. The blow that would kick the life out of what was left of her hope.

It was the spring holiday, and Ian was on vacation with his family on the Gulf Coast. He wouldn’t be back for another three days. Normally, Ian would have opted to stay behind, but his mom had wanted one last family vacation together before he joined the marines after graduation. His family traveled often, but Liz knew Ian never tagged along because he was reluctant to leave her.

Right now, her heart was torn. The selfish part of her, the part that was a creature of habit and longed for the comfort only her best friend could give her, wished he was here. But the selfless part of her heart, the part that cared about Ian more than any other person in the world, was glad he wasn’t. It made leaving him a little easier.

Mr. Garrison tapped the bottom of his cane on the linoleum floor. “That’s up to you. I can fill him in when he gets back if that’s what you want. He’ll want to be with you, and I can arrange to get him there.”

Liz covered her face with her hands and cried fresh tears. Of course, Ian would come for her. He wouldn’t finish high school. He wouldn’t honor his commitment to the marines. He would spend his life beside her, running from an invisible enemy. He couldn’t do that. Not for her. It was time for her to let Ian go and let him live his life without the burden of protecting her.

They weren’t even in a relationship. They were just friends, and Ian deserved a chance to meet someone and have a normal life.

That’s why she couldn’t tell him.

Ian was the one who always came to her rescue, but even he couldn’t save her now.

“No.” She wiped her face again. “He can’t. You can’t.”

Mr. Garrison’s eyes turned glassy as he nodded. He pulled a folded handkerchief from his back pocket and wiped his nose. “The people I send for you will protect you. I’ll send money and a new phone number where you can reach me. We can’t use our phones anymore. The McCalls aren’t affluent, but they won’t take this sittin’ down. We know that much.”

Liz nodded and looked out the window of Mr. Garrison’s kitchen. She could see Ian’s house dimly lit by the midnight streetlights. She’d never speak to Ian Hart again.

Mr. Garrison reached out his thick, wrinkled hand and laid it atop hers. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart. You’ll do fine on your own. You might even do better when you get outta here. There are better things in the world than what you’ve known here.”

Liz bit her lip and stifled the urge to reject his words. There wasn’t anything out there that could compare to Ian or the way she felt about him.

Her girlish heart had accepted him, her pre-teen heart had clung to him, and her eighteen-year-old heart had loved him with every fiber of her being. He just didn’t know it.

Sheriff Tubbs walked back into the kitchen and sighed. “Everything is set.” He turned to Liz, and his look of pity almost sent her sobbing again. “Your new name is Sara Williams. You’ll have proper documentation later this week.” He turned to Mr. Garrison. “The plane is waiting at the Cherokee County airstrip.”

Panic gripped Liz’s chest as she turned back to her neighbor. “What? I’m Sara now? And I’m flying?” She’d never even been close to an airplane before, and she didn’t know what to expect.

“Don’t worry. Sara is a common name, and Sheriff Tubbs is flying with you. His brother is a pilot and agreed to take you.”

Liz was crying again. She wasn’t sure if the on-and-off waterworks would stop anytime soon.

Mr. Garrison stood and pulled her to her feet and hugged her close. He smelled like cigar smoke and butterscotch, his favorite candy.

“Come on, sweetheart. It’s not the end. I think it’s your beginning. I wish you could stay, but I care about you too much to risk your life because I love you.” Mr. Garrison might have been a grumpy old man to most people, but his heart had always been soft for Liz.

She let him lead her outside, one hand holding hers and the other on his cane. When she stood beside Sheriff Tubbs’ undercover car, she risked one more look at Ian’s family home. It had been the safest place she’d known, and now she was expected to leave it.

“I can tell him. It’s up to you,” Mr. Garrison reminded her.

“No, it’s better this way.” She believed her words, but another part of her was screaming inside. Ian would never forgive her.

Liz felt nothing for her own home, which sat dark and dilapidated on the other side of Mr. Garrison’s yard. It didn’t deserve a parting glance. Those walls had seen too much and done nothing to protect her.

Now was not the time to trip on her heart. She may never see Ian again, but Mr. Garrison’s words rang in her head. Maybe this wasn’t the end for her. She’d always wanted to get away from home, but her dreams of running away had always included Ian at her side—two friends off to find some adventure outside of Carson.

How funny to think that when it came time to get out of Dodge, she’d be sneaking away in the night without him.

She swallowed her tears and let her hand slip from Mr. Garrison’s grip. Once she was in the car, he closed the door and gave her a strained smile. He was trying to hold himself together for her sake, but she knew his heart. She wasn’t sure she’d have made it eighteen years without the old man looking after her.

Sheriff Tubbs slipped into the driver’s seat and turned to give her a nod. “You’re gonna be okay. You’re better off gettin’ away from this place.”

She knew his words were true, but she didn’t have to like them.

She focused on her hands in her lap, wringing them ceaselessly as the car moved away from her home. Not her house, but Ian.

He’d thank her one day. He’d see that this was for the best.

She, however, might not fare so well. Right now, she was holding on and letting go.